Goodie Bag of Short Humorous Stories

I have an habit of saving good humorous jokes and quotes which passes thru my email inbox. These collections helps me sometimes to get out of troubled mood. Here are some of those nice ones from the collection.

I like you to enjoy and may be rate them like Very good, Good or OK so I can have idea of your taste buds..

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Wrong Feet

As a three year old put his shoes on by himself.

His mother noticed the left one was on the right foot.She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet."

He looked up at her with a raised brow and said, "Don't kid me, Mom, Iknow they're my feet."

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Inconsolable Bride

A young man came home from the office and found his new bride sobbing inconsolably.

"I feel terrible," she told him. "I was pressing your suit and I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers."

"Forget it," consoled her husband. "Remember that I've got an extra pairof pants for that suit." "Yes, and it's lucky you have," said the woman, drying her eyes. "I usedthem to patch the hole."

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Gift Wrap

A very tight man was looking for a gift for a girlfriend.

Everything was too expensive, except for a broken glass vase which he could purchase for almost nothing.

He asked the store to send it, hoping his friend would think it had been broken in transit.

In due time, the man received an acknowledgement from his friend.

"Thanks for the vase," it read. "It was so thoughtful of you to wrap each piece separately."

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Directions

A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where Ilive and look for apartment 14A , and with your elbow push button 14A. Comeinside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14.

When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left.

With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you''

The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am Ihitting all these buttons with my elbow?''

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''

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Real Sense of Humor - dare to read it..

Warning: Gals, go easy on me and please have a sense of humor!

Plot: A guy is talking his friend...

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"


Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.


The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a
pair for each outfit."

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"

I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.

"You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"